Dear Sexplain It,
I’ve always considered myself an average-looking guy, but years of using dating apps have taken a toll on my confidence. The focus on physical appearance, along with the ease of ghosting and blocking, has damaged my self-image.
Currently, I’m in a relationship that we’ve decided to open up because my partner has moved to another country. Before his move, he confessed that while he’s in love with me, he doesn’t feel sexually attracted to me. He claims that everything else in our relationship is perfect.
This revelation, combined with my low self-esteem, is really affecting me. Should his lack of sexual attraction be a dealbreaker? He’s trying to address it, but I’m unsure if it will lead to any change.
I believe in direct communication in relationships, but there’s a way to be direct kindly and another to be direct harshly. It seems your partner chose the latter. Knowing your struggles with self-esteem, he still delivered a painful blow to your confidence.
Of course, he shouldn’t lie or pretend to enjoy intimacy, but he should approach such conversations with sensitivity. For example, Saying, “I think you’re beautiful, but I’m currently struggling with intimacy,” would have been more considerate.
I’m curious if he ever found you sexually desirable. If he did, it’s possible to reignite that desire, as long-term attraction often involves more than just physical appearance. Various factors can influence desire, such as stress from his move, feeling unsupported, or perceiving excessive demands from you.
These are significant issues that require open discussions and possibly therapy to resolve. However, he doesn’t seem committed to working towards a sexually connected relationship. Instead, he appears resigned to a sexless dynamic.
I’m skeptical about his efforts to improve the situation. Has he communicated what actions he’s taking? It’s especially challenging to address this when you’re not physically together.
To be candid yet kind: You deserve a relationship where your partner is sexually attracted to you. This is crucial for your mental health, as feeling desired is important for most of us.
This relationship doesn’t seem to offer that. Continuing could further harm your self-esteem and mental health.
Now might be the right time to end things, and you can do so kindly by expressing your desire to be with someone who finds you attractive. It’s possible he was hoping for this outcome, lacking the courage to end things himself.
Additionally, Consider starting therapy to work on your confidence and self-esteem issues. Addressing these now can prevent them from affecting your future relationships and help you find the love you deserve.