The term “soaking” might make you think of a relaxing bath or a gentle rain, but for those familiar with TikTok’s MomTok since 2021, it’s known as a sex act often linked to Mormons.
Discussions about their sex lives were frequent, from the ‘soft swinging’ scandal to the mysterious fruity pebbles incident, and of course, soaking. With season two approaching, these topics are likely to resurface.
For those unfamiliar, soaking involves penetrative sex without any thrusting. Essentially, one partner inserts their penis into their partner’s vagina and remains still, akin to a freeze tag game. “There is no thrusting or movement as there is with vaginal intercourse,” explains Erica Smith, M. Ed, a Philadelphia-based sex educator.
The act is called soaking because the penis is “soaked” by vaginal lubrication, says Gigi Engle, a London-based sex and relationship psychotherapist. By avoiding movement, participants claim they preserve their virginity, remaining celibate and technically not having sex. “It’s a loophole,” Engle notes, allowing those in strict religious communities, like The Church of The Latter-Day Saints, to enjoy sexual pleasure without sinning.
On The Viall Files podcast, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives star confirmed soaking’s existence when the Hulu show premiered in September 2024. “I don’t want to speak for all Mormons… but it happens,” she stated. She explained that people in the LDS faith might practice soaking as a loophole to fulfill natural desires while adhering to the teaching of abstaining until marriage.
Despite its viral fame, soaking isn’t as widespread among young Latter-Day Saints as it might appear. Nor does it align with Mormon values. “While some might try to redefine sex, I don’t believe this is a common practice,” says Chelom Leavitt, PhD, a sex researcher at Brigham Young University. The Mormon tradition doesn’t support skirting the rules to avoid sinning, she adds.
So, is soaking really happening? Are there risks or benefits? And does it truly count as sex? Let’s explore these questions.
Understanding Soaking
What differentiates soaking from other penetrative acts is the complete absence of movement, says Engle. The idea is that soaking doesn’t count as sex because there’s no additional movement.
Sometimes, a third person might jump on the bed to mimic thrusting, known as a “jump-humper,” according to Jess O’Reilly, PhD, a Toronto-based sexologist. However, even within the Mormon community, this aspect is met with skepticism. “I don’t know if that part’s real,” Taylor Frankie Paul admitted on The Viall Files podcast.
Even with a jump-humper, the act isn’t viewed as sex or a sin since participants aren’t actively moving against each other, says Engle.
If you’re considering soaking to avoid “sinning,” it’s important to examine your motivations, advises Smith. “Ask why you think soaking is different or better than other sexual activities.” This reflection can clarify if shame or a desire for connection drives your decision.
For those exploring this as a way to experience pleasure without “losing virginity,” seeking guidance from a sex-positive Mormon or informed sexuality educator can be beneficial, Smith suggests.
If you wish to abstain from certain acts, there are alternatives like manual sex, dry humping, oral sex, or sharing fantasies, Smith adds.
The Cultural Impact of Soaking
Soaking gained attention in fall 2021 with viral TikTok videos and was further popularized by the Amazon Freevee comedy Jury Duty in 2023 and The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives in 2024. Despite its portrayal, soaking is not prevalent among real-life Latter-Day Saints, says O’Reilly. Leavitt adds that it’s more of a rumor than reality. “Everyone seems to know someone who knows someone who tried it,” she says.
Lds teachings emphasize sex within marriage and warn against activities that distance individuals from God. Soaking doesn’t align with these values, says Leavitt.
While soaking might not be common, it is a possible act. Engle suggests trying it as part of sexual exploration, not as a work-around to sex.
Risks and Misconceptions
Soaking doesn’t necessarily offer the claimed benefit of experiencing penetration without it being “sex.” Many define sex as anything pleasurable or intimate, notes Rachel Wright, LMFT. If soaking satisfies you, there’s no reason not to consider it sex.
Pleasure is a valid reason to explore soaking. Genital contact can be pleasurable physically, emotionally, and spiritually, says Smith.
However, soaking carries STI risks similar to other penetrative acts, warns Engle. To prevent STIs, use condoms, advises O’Reilly.
There’s also a risk of unintended pregnancy. Young, inexperienced partners might not manage withdrawal effectively, says Smith. Precum can contain sperm, especially if ejaculation occurred earlier, she explains. Using birth control methods is essential to prevent pregnancy.
Beyond physical risks, soaking can lead to mental health concerns. Religious motives might cause shame, linked to anxiety and depression, says Engle. This shame can distance Mormon teens from LDS ideals, notes Leavitt.
For those pressured to preserve virginity, soaking might seem like a way to experience pleasure while maintaining virginity, says O’Reilly. However, the definition of virginity varies widely, and many consider soaking as losing virginity, says Engle.
Interrogating the concept of virginity is crucial. “Medically, virginity is meaningless,” says Engle. The state of the hymen isn’t a reliable indicator of sexual activity. The idea of virginity often controls women and promotes the false notion that only penis-in-vagina intercourse counts as sex, adds Smith.
If virginity is important to you, Smith recommends exploring medically accurate, shame-free sex education to understand your values. Books like Jessica Valenti’s and Linda Kay Klein’s works, along with Erica Smith’s Sexual Values Workbook, are good resources.
Conclusion
Soaking might not be the loophole it’s claimed to be, but it can be an intimate addition to your sexual experiences if approached with the right mindset.